Lessons Learnt in My Decade Long Marriage – While We Wait

Ten years ago, with just a dream and a vague road map, we embarked on a journey to the unknown. We were just two naive lovebirds. I was 31 years and my wife was 28 years by then. A bright future was beckoning ahead of us. I remember those moments with nostalgia when we would go to babies shops to window shop for our twins, note that i have a twin brother.

My twin brother who had married a few years ahead of me and had a beautiful baby boy kept pestering me to give him a sister to his young boy. We were full of wild spirits. Five years down the lane, the little cute baby girl was a distant mirage. Ten years down the line are still hopeful, our dream is still valid and baby clothes are still on our closet. Below are the lessons i have learnt in my decade long marriage.

1.I am the peace maker in my home: It is not all about winning arguments at home but rather learning from them

2.Saying sorry is not a sign of weakness: As the head of our small family; I have learnt to say sorry to my wife every time I am on the wrong. She equally reciprocates.

3.Making my wife my best friend: When we go home for family functions, I always ensure that my wife is next to me. From experience, we have been able to silence family members who look for an opportunity to put a wedge between us. I have made it known to family members that we cannot discuss my wife in her absence.

4.Shield my wife from my family: I have always taken the bullet for her from all aspersions and expletives from family members. I remember i had to cut links with my sister for disrespecting my wife. My father adores my wife as well as my twin brother who also helps me to deal with narcissistic family members.

5.Discussing problems and sharing successes together: We would rather sleep in the morning but ensure that we have resolved problems in our marriage. My wife has fasted on my behalf for a job opening. I remember an opening in my former company that my wife fasted for and i got it. I remember how we celebrated together.

6.Using kind words to her: Mother Teresa said, “The echoes of kind words last forever.” I choose what to tell her even in the midst of a heated argument.

7.Understanding one another: I hate menses. They remind me of an opportunity lost. She understands me during such moments and we share our frustrations together, sometimes over a lunch date.

8.Being positive: This is not a journey for the fainthearted. We have always stayed positive even in the midst of storms. We have never accepted to lose hope. We do not like discussing the thousands of money we have lost, we actually avoid apportioning blame.

9.Having faith: We pray together as a family and we are hopeful of a better tomorrow.

10.Avoiding 'miracle' givers: We trust entirely on God. We have the quorum of God of two members. The third one is our family at waiting wombs trust.

11.Together: we are still trying to walk in this journey together, after all we are human. With or without a child, we will continue this journey.

This summarizes my personal journey for the last ten years. Stay blessed brothers and sisters. Thanks Editah Hadassa Trip for such an opportunity and forum.

Editor- Kamau Njoroge